I'm going to be an aunt!

But this isn't my first rodeo.  However, this is an important baby - it's my first niece/nephew on my side of the family.  Bug won't be an only grandchild anymore!

We received the good news last night.  It made me happy but also very sad.  As much as I can't contain my excitement about my siblings having kids of their own, it's also very much a reminder of how much we struggle to conceive.  We feel so very blessed to have Bug, but the process of deciding to have kids from pitching my bc to holding our beautiful daughter in my arms took three and a half years.  Three and a half long years.  It still hurts to hear that it's an easy process for everyone else, even family. 

This morning brought tears when I started to think about the weeks of doctor's appointments, ultrasounds and shots I'll have to go through before we can have another child.  We have no more frozen embroyos and we'll have to do another full round of IVF for a much desired second and maybe third child.  I know God's in charge, but regardless, it's a very emotionally and physically draining process.  I just wish it could happen naturally for us.  I still keep hoping for that miracle.

Little Baby "S", as sad as your aunt may seem in this post, I honestly can't wait to meet you and hold you in my arms.  You are already loved.  A LOT  :)

Weaning

It had to happen. 

I have to admit, I wasn't exactly emotionally ready for it when I finally made the decision.  We'd discussed it for months - my initial breastfeeding goal was 6 months and she's nearly 8 and half months now.  I never thought I'd enjoy it as much as I did.  It was such a bonding experience and there was nothing better than holding my little girl in my arms.

Until the biting began.

Yes, the biting.  And not just biting, but biting and pulling.  Repeatedly.  With a crazy look in her eyes.

So I made a tearful decision Sunday evening.  I needed to put on my big girl pants and start weaning her, no looking back.  My typical feeding schedule is something like this -

• 5:30 am pre work feeding
• 10 am pumping
• 2 pm pumping
• 6 pm pumping
• 8:30 pm feeding

So far, I've cut out a single pumping at work and bumped back the time that I do pump there.  It's pretty much left me with sore boobs and no noticeable decrease in breastmilk.  Starting today, I am cutting out another pumping, leaving me with even more sore boobs and now added crankiness.

Oh and Bug has stopped biting me while feeding.  Go figure. 

Sicky McSickerson

Oh the joys of "school". 


Bug has been participating in our church's Children's Day Program (Mother's Day Out or more appropriately for us, Daddy's Day Out) since early September.  She had been a relatively healthy child until that point.  Since then, she has managed to get all 3 of us sick.  Two-thirds of us have healed for the most part - Bug not so much.  Her cold has grown into an upper respiratory infection.  A nice slimy snotty congestion-y upper respiratory infection.


Typically, I'd say no problem - snot isn't a big deal to me, she's not running a fever, she's eating and acting normally.  But for some reason, she just can't kick the sickness.  She's into week 2 of this and the infection seems to be resistent to the medication her pediatrician prescribed.


And really?  Why do they make bubblegum flavored meds for an 8 month old?  Because Bug likes it way too much and I'd rather her not know that taste any time soon THANKYOUVERYMUCH. 


So we have a Sicky McSickerson on our hands until A) the antibiotic kicks in and kills the infection B) Dr. Grandma (who is a pediatrician) calls something in that's stronger or C) we wait it out until Wednesday and see Bug's pediatrician again and have her represcribe something.


Can I just have my healthy child back?

Happy 8 Month Birthday, Buggie!

Happy 8 month birthday, Bug!

You are such a big girl now!  You look less and less like a baby and more and more like a little girl everyday.  We are so proud of you and feel so very blessed that God placed you in our lives.  We couldn't have asked for a sweeter, more perfect child.

You are hitting milestones like crazy anymore - multiple ones at a time!  You are growing up so fast.

At 8 months old, you:

• Have been sitting up on your own, unassisted, for roughly 4 months already.
• Love your veggies, fruits and cereal.  You have a definite distaste for pureed meat.  I can't say that I blame you.
• Crawl like a mad woman.  You are FAST.  Every day you prove that mommy and daddy are waaaaaaaaay behind on their babyproofing.
• Can pull yourself up to standing in multiple places.  The scariest one is in your crib.  We need to lower your mattress before you figure out how to get those chunky little legs over the edge.
• Weigh 19 lbs!!!!  And I love every ounce of it!
• Have 4 teeth.  Big stuff going on.
• Went to the pediatrician for your first sick visit ever yesterday.  You have been sooooo super healthy and we couldn't be happier.
• Love your teachers at school!  Daddy says you always have a big smile on your face when you get there and your teachers think you are great!
• Always have a great attitude and a big smile on your face.  You are the happiest little creature.  It is awesome.
• Have been baptized!  It was a great day and you did fabulously.  You didn't cry at all during the ceremony.
• Are quite the talker.  And a loud talker at that.  You get that from  your daddy :)

I can't wait to watch you grow into the awesome person you are to become. 

I love you.

Mommy :)

Separation anxiety or how the Davis Family has become hermits...

The Bug's 6 month well baby was yesterday.  We went to a different pediatrician this time.  He was in the same practice but not our normal ped. who we LOVE.  This is mostly, okay ALL, my fault because her doctor fills up appt-wise pretty fast and I pretty much jacked around and didn't schedule her in time.  Oops.

The Bug is now a whopping 16 lbs 14 oz and the nurse mismeasured her at 25 1/4 inches (she's longer than that).  Healthy and hitting all her developmental milestones - even got the comment that they've never seen a baby at her age sit up on their own so well.  Of course, it's because she's all sorts of brilliant and awesome.

The Dr. opened up with conversation asking if there was anything we needed to talk about.  We bring up the fact that she won't nap and panics whenever either of us leave the room.  We said we've tried crying it out but she won't give in and nap and looks SUPER panicky whenever we go in and check on her.  After all our description, he said she has an extreme case of separation anxiety and that you don't normally see it in children her age.  He also said he has no solution and that she'll likely outgrow it. 

So, until Bug gets over this and actually naps, we are officially stuck at home in the evenings and on the weekends.  I am not going to force my overtired and loudly cranky child on the unsuspecting public.  It's the hermit life for us for now - if we don't all go crazy from the cabin fever first.

To sleep or not to sleep

The Bug has chosen to sleep!

After a week of fighting us tooth and nail at naptime and during the night, she FINALLY went down Saturday night and slept all night.  And in her crib, nonetheless!

And!  She took two (!!!!!) naps in her crib on Sunday!

Maybe she's turned a new leaf?  Not sure, but I think I like this.  The dark circles and bags are slowly fading away on her face.  She's waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay happier and so are we.

Let's hope it continues.

Still screaming...

No seriously.  The Bug is still screaming.  We'll put her down in the crib and she will literally scream at the top of her lungs for an hour or more.  Each time.  And then not nap.  I swear the neighbors can hear her and are going to call CPS on us one of these days...

Obviously, our sleep training is still an uphill battle.  I'll admit it - I'm jealous of parents who tell me their child is either a) an excellent sleeper (freaking overachievers) or b) screamed for only 30 minutes the first night and then considerably less the following nights.  But if we're putting her down for a nap 3 times a day and she screams for an hour each time and has done this for a week, maybe something's wrong?  For some reason, my child feels abandoned when we put her down for a nap.

Going to sleep at night isn't as much of an issue.  She'll pass out, but it's the 15 crying wake up calls during the course of the night that are killing us.  We're needing some patience big time because we're both exhausted and snippy.  I feel like we should be on an episode of Super Nanny...

Today in an act of desperation, we put the pad from the pack n play where she's been living in her crib.  Oddly enough, she's currently laying quietly in her crib.  Please continue to work.  Please continue to work...

And now she's crying again.  CRAP.

Ferberizing Day 1 - EPIC FAIL

Is it too soon to quit Ferberizing already?  Exhaustion didn't matter to the Bug and she screamed a full hour before I got home from work.  My husband handed her over instantly - all 17ish pounds of dark circles, baggy red-rimmed eyes and hoarse voice.  Nighttime wasn't much better - she woke up at 2 and struggled for about 2 hours to go back to sleep.

Now I realize that this is going to take time.  I am fully aware that it can take weeks, BUT I'm not emotionally and physically prepared for a super extended battle of wills.  Bug is stubborn and I'm pretty sure she can carry on like this for a long time.  This does not bode well.  Should I be surprised?  Not hardly.  Because her mom?  Not so much of a great sleeper herself

On a positive note, I have been informed that she has managed to take at least an hour nap today.  At least it's better than nothing.

Bug Ferberization

It's official, we have a non-sleeper.  If you see the Bug, you'll likely see bags and dark circles under her eyes.  Poor kiddo, we want her to sleep SO bad, but she refuses. 

The source of her non-sleeping at night seems to be a lost pacifier (we call it a bink in our house).  She falls asleep with it in her mouth and loses it at some point during the night.  She moves, realizes it isn't there anymore and starts to panic.  We start out whimpering and then start crying.  Loudly.  This happens between 10-20 times a night.  Obviously, for this reason, we haven't moved her out of our bedroom yet, as she is currently living in a pack n play at the foot of our bed.  It would take an act of God to get me to walk across the house 20 times in the middle of the night to put the bink back in her mouth.

Recently, she's taken up a non-napping platform.  Why nap during the day when you can get increasingly tired and cranky?  Surely mommy and daddy would enjoy that...  A six month old baby needs more than a 20 minute nap a day, but evidently, it is more fun to yell and play with your toes than nap.  I would tend to disagree.

A phone call to the pediatrician mother-in-law confirmed my worst fears - it's time to let her cry it out.  I have been dreading this.  There is nothing worse than letting your child cry to you for comfort and not being there to stick the pacifier back into her mouth or give her a hug or rock her. 

Obviously, because I can't emotionally separate myself from this, we have decided that I will not be in charge of Bug's Ferberization.  I look forward to the day when my daughter can comfort herself enough to put herself down for a nap or to bed for the night, but I am not looking forward to the assumingly loud weeks ahead.  Let's hope she's a fast learner...

Necessity is the mother of all invention

It is crazy ridiculous hot here in Houston.  Like 100 degrees and humid hot.  Yuck.  Yesterday, it was so hot that we decided to let the Bug splash around in a pool to cool off.  Except we don't have a pool.  And I'm a crazy overprotective mother and refuse to let her get into the subdivision pool yet.  I'm okay with the idea of a private pool, but super duper wary of public pools.  


I searched around the house and all I could find was an inflatable duck bathtub.  Figuring it was better than nothing, we stripped her down and put her in a swimsuit.  Not just any swimsuit, it's literally an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini.  We took the tub out to a shaded portion of the backyard, tossed a few tub toys in there, plopped her down and filled it up.


She had a blast and unless you knew better, you would have never figured out it was a bathtub :)

Worst blogger ever? Possibly...

I'm really bad at this blogging stuff. The only thing I've proven to be consistent with is my inconsistency in writing. I'll try to do better? Yes, that's a question mark.

A little update in the lives of the inhabitants of Casa del Davis:

1) Maddie is the cutest, most awesome thing EVER. I love her crazy hair, her constant wiggling and her big smiles.
2) Maternity leave goes by WAY too fast.
3) 30 feels just like 29.
4) Sometimes poop does not come out of clothing, regardless of how much stain fighting you do.
5) 5 month olds can be the best air travelers ever.

Other than that, everything is normal. Digger and Ginger feel neglected (they probably are), David is working on a new album and I'm trying to find the balance between full time employee and mom/wife/cook/housekeeper. I guess I'm doing well if we aren't malnourished and have clean dishes and underwear.

Maybe I'll take this blog in a different direction. Who knows? Maybe next time it won't take me 4 months to post again...

Where have I been?

Where on earth have I been? Well, suprise suprise, that pregnancy test ended up positive. I spent the first 15 weeks completely nauseous 24-7, the next 20 somewhat okay and the past 5 completely swollen. I started going into active labor a week ago Friday and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl around 11:30 a.m. on Valentines Day. We are beyond excited. We are also beyond exhausted. David is currently trying to keep a little girlie awake in hopes that she'll actually sleep tonight. I shouldn't be surprised though - she was always most active during the hours of 1 to 5 a.m. However, I couldn't be happier that she's in my arms. Love at first sight does exist. :)

D-Day

We go in this morning for my pregnancy test. I'm so ridiculously nervous that I could puke. It's hard to believe the 2WW is already over.

Please be positive. Please be positive. Please be positive.

Current state of affairs

The past week has been interesting. I dealt with cramps, exhaustion and a bout of severe 6 day nausea. Last night, David uttered the 2 words I never want to hear after an IM progesterone shot - "you're bleeding". Yippee. This is after he managed to hit a nerve the other day and caused some of my toes on my left foot to go slightly numb. This is wearing me out.

I'm currently convinced that I'm not pregnant. My pregnancy test at the clinic is on Friday, and I don't even want to go. I feel that the only thing keeping me from not bleeding all over everything is my estrogen pills and patches and those awful progesterone shots. I've started making plans for the next year to keep myself occupied until we can afford to try this again. We've spent close to 20k on this in 2009 alone, there's no more IVF money to do another round. I am going to be a hot mess and I'm already driving David nuts.

I have also discovered that knowlege of our fertility issues has made it to more people than I'd like. Seriously people, if someone's infertile, it's not your story to tell. It's a private issue and now I'm beginning to think that our entire 3000 member church congregation knows. NOT GOOD. Privacy? What privacy?

I need a vacation....

Pregnant until you tell me otherwise

I'm now pregnant until someone tells me otherwise.  The transfer on Friday went off without a hitch.  We arrived at the hospital at 7 and were out of there in no time.  It was weird, the nurse allowed me to pee before I took my ibuprofen and Valium.  They didn't allow that last time.

Bedrest was a drag.  I'm not good at sitting still, let alone laying in only 3 positions.  Eating and drinking were quite the experience.  Thank goodness for straws and big towels that catch random drippings and crumbs of whatever.  It was a long 3 days, made even longer by the fact that our A/C decided to stop working on Sunday.  We live on the Texas Gulf Coast and it's June - you're in big trouble if it goes out.  You can't bring enough oscillating fans into the bedroom of a woman on bedrest.

Today was the first day back at work.  Trying to stay low-key and stress-free for the most part, but that's yet to be seen.  My coworkers are crazy and crazy is contagious.  I may have to put police tape up around my door to prevent it from coming into my work area.

Our pregnancy test is a week from Friday.  This 2WW (two week wait) is going to kick my butt.  I want to know now even though I fear failure again.  I don't think you ever lose that fear after you've had a failed cycle.  I keep hoping David will be positive enough for both of us.  I just need to pick up a hobby to keep my mind occupied until then.

Transfer Eve...

We go in tomorrow morning at 7 a.m. for our transfer.  I'm trying to relax but the thought of my imminent progesterone shot is ruining it for me.  I've been bruising pretty badly on these.  It's odd because I never once bruised for our first cycle.  All the random side effects are coming out of the woodwork this time around - I'm bloated, exhausted, moody and now apparently bruised.  No amount of Hello Kitty band aids can fix this.

I shouldn't complain.  David's been awesome through all this again.  Last week he went and bought me sour gummy worms to eat after my blood work and today he went and bought me bath fizzies from Lush and Bride Wars so I could relax tonight.  He's such an awesome husband.  He'll do a spectacular job once again during my bed rest.

It's time to prep my injection, change my estrogen patch and take a Medrol.  Something good is going to happen tomorrow.  I can feel it.

Hooray!

I really needed something good to happen.  Over the weekend I had managed to make myself bleed and bruise from a Lupron injection, almost completely ruin a $400 purse  and get attacked by fire ants.  I also had a small panic session thinking that David would be unable to actually be at our embryo transfer and watched as the girl dug for my vein in my left arm at my US/BW today.  Something good needed to happen.

I had resigned myself to try again tomorrow when the nurse called with my results.  My estrogen levels are really high and my uterine lining is just short of what it needs to be in order for them to do the transfer.  She scheduled me for an appt. for Friday and said to go ahead and pick a date for the hospital!  HOORAY!  FINALLY SOME GOOD NEWS!!!!!  And a big fat sigh of relief for not having to worry about David's job and our transfer coinciding.

I'm so excited.  I think this deserves ice cream.  :)

Congratulations! I'm normal.

Our trip to the clinic for my baselines went well today.  Everything looks good and is as it should be.  We were also given the go-ahead to cut back on the Lupron to 10 units and to start taking my estrogen pills and applying my estrogen patches.  Also had to pay the fees for the clinic.  We are now 2k poorer, with another 1k going to the hospital later on.  But it's okay, we'd planned for this.  Thank goodness for good tax returns.

From the calendar they gave us today, our transfer is tentatively scheduled for May 30th.  It can't get here fast enough if you ask me.  If they asked me to do it today, I would respond with a big, fat YES.  I think David would too.

Our clinic has like 6 offices around Houston.  I'm based out of the one nearest to my house for big appointments (consultations, baselines, training) but I go to the one down the street from my office to do all my ultrasounds and bloodwork.  I've always done this.  I called today to schedule my appt. for Monday and the girl who answered the phone acted like I was crazy.

"I'd like to schedule an appt. for Monday morning for an ultrasound and bloodwork please."

"Ok, what office are you based out of?"

"Willowbrook"

"Why are you calling here?"

"Because this office is closer to where I work and it's easier this way."

"I don't understand.  What do you need again?"

Really?  Honestly, I've talked to the clinic director about this.  He said it's okay.  It's getting to be ridiculous.  This is the branch that didn't bother to call us about our negative results last time.  David thinks I'm crazy for going back to that branch, but it takes 45 minutes out of my day as opposed to like 2.  I'm saving time but losing my sanity at the same time.  It's either this or start losing valuable sick time.

Even after all that, I'm still glad that everything came back okay today.  I've got a good feeling about this FET.  Gotta keep the good energy going.

Let's get this show on the road

So a long long time ago, my FET was initially planned for this Friday.  However, my body decided it didn't really want to participate and I couldn't get my menstrual cycle to regulate after the failed IVF cycle.  I ended up being like 2 weeks late and had to push everything back.  Thank you for that, Mother Nature.  Have I told you lately how great I think you are?

Anyway, I dealt with it and became okay with the pushed back schedule.  Well...  Not really okay with it, I'm obviously in a hurry because I'm tired of not getting pregnant.  Today my body decided it wanted to fast forward things and my period started several days early.  Ugh.  I'm early.  I'm late.  I'm all sorts of messed up right now.  I can't keep up with our calendar for this anymore.  It changes too often.

The good news is that this will likely push up our transfer.  Yea for that.  

This means that tomorrow morning is my baseline ultrasound and bloodwork.  Nothing says good morning like a vaginal ultrasound and some inevitably rolling veins.  But it also means we're thisclose to the transfer and hopefully a baby!  

So bring it on, I'm ready.

Beth versus the nausea

Because giant doses of Lupron are awesome, I spent most of my day today deep breathing through my nose trying not to barf all over my desk.  There were zero side effects last time, but I guess since my dosage this time around is literally double what it was for the IVF cycle, I suppose side effects are in order.  As the day has  gone on, it's worn off a little but GOOD GRIEF.  My office is nowhere near the bathroom, I can't have barf-age.  I'd take puffy swollen Stay-Puffed Marshmallow Man Beth over this any day.  

Between that and my stress level at work, today I'd like to crawl under a rock.  Thank goodness for coming home to 2 fluffy puppies, a great husband and jammies.  

Tomorrow's a new day.  Here's to hoping for less stress and less nausea...